THE TRUTH
by xHappyButton
Summary: Did you ever want to know what really happened in Naruto? How about from Sasuke's point of view? Come on, you know you wanna read iiit.  Mostly crack. Please enjoy! and a couple of reviews would be nice...


Hello Hello! I haven't written a fanfiction in a looong time and the two ** stories I wrote before were for Kim Possible so this is ever so slightly different.

I'm writing this because my brother told me I should write a story. :D This is also dedicated to a past friend of mine. We used to have some craaazy talks about Naruto lols. And I miss her *sigh*

Naruto disclaimer blahblahafigyvaolblah

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><p>Once upon a time in the small but proud town of Konoha there lived a boy named Sasuke Uchiha. Sasuke was having a rough start in life. He was the sole survivor of the clan his brother brutally murdered and he had no real friends. He only lived for one purpose, to kill his brother.<p>

Our story is starting out a little darker than anticipated. Let's get to the real beginning…..

It was just another day at the ninja academy. The sun was shining, the birds singing, the girls were all waiting for the arrival of their beloved Sasuke, all in all today seemed like it would be a wonderful day. That is until Sasuke actually showed up.

Now, there was a knuckle head in town, his name was Naruto. Everyone hated Naruto for some reason. Sure he was a little reckless and played a few pranks on people but that wasn't such a big deal. Anyways, Naruto decided the one way for him to get a little recognition from his peers would be to defeat this jerk of an Uchiha.

Sasuke sat down in his little seat and did what Sasuke does best; stare into the distance like a freak. Naruto decided to get a better view at the Uchiha. Hopping up onto the raven haired weird, but ever so popular boy's desk, Naruto just boringly stared at Sasuke.

Thank goodness there was someone else to get this story in motion. Some clumsy little kid bumped into Naruto and knocked him right into Sasuke, causing the room to go silent.

Thousands okay more like fifteen to twenty girls jumped Naruto.

Joke break, what's black, blue and red all over?  
>NARUTO after his accidental kiss with Sasuke that is.<p>

The entire class was in shock, Naruto was half dead in the corner and Sasuke, well Sasuke was feeling a little….curious.

After class, Sasuke nonchalantly pulled the blonde brat over to the side.

"Naruto I need to ask you something."  
>"Neeee? Sasuke what the hell do you want from me?"<br>Sasuke looked a little sheepish. "Will you, be my girlfriend."  
>"WHAAAAT! SASUKE WE'RE BOTH GUYS HOW CAN I BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND? SASUKE ARE YOU-ARE YOU GAY?"<br>"Baka, of course I'm not gay. You are just very feminine."  
>"EWWWWW. I got gay germs on me. I hope it isn't catchable."<br>"tch. Whatever Dobe." Sasuke walked away a little heart broken.

So a few years passed, Sasuke couldn't get over his weird feelings. The fact that he was on a 3 man squad that included that stupid loud mouth, the bane of his existence didn't help. He got better at hiding his awkward feelings though.

Sometimes he let out this over protective thing like when he jumped in front of all those poison needles to protect Naruto, or all those times he had to save the Dobe from falling off cliffs and waterfalls. He figured it seemed normal though, like other people did these sorts of things for their teammates.

Everything was going fairly smoothly until it came time for the Chunin exams….

"Hello children, I am the great Lord Orochimaru, I will rape your men and defile your children, please come join me."  
>"Go to hell you weird snake freak." Naruto screamed.<br>"No wait, this guy sounds pretty legit. I want to hear what he has to say."  
>Naruto and Sakura, "WHAT! o_O"<br>"Yeah, guys I think we can trust him. He seems like a good wholesome person. Give him a chance."  
>"Sasuuuke Uchiha, because you have seen the good in me I shall give you a present."<br>-A few hand signs and some weird stuff later.-  
>"ETERNAL CURSE HICKEY. There, now you shall be the coolest guy around with this, eternal curse hickey. Every woman will want you. Of course, now you belong to me so none of them can have you or else you will die. Have a nice day kids!"<br>"Well that was weird."

Sasuke suffered great pains of love from his new curse hickey and had to be sent away for a while until they could find a way to lessen his suffering.

"Alright, Since Sasuke is not present he forfeits his match. Gaara-"

-Poof- Magical Sasuke and Kakashi :D

"Welp, looks like they'll fight after all. Let's goooo."

Sasuke was suddenly stuck by the beauty of his opponent. _Inner Sasuke: I, I must have him. He shall me mine. Miiine._

The raven haired boy attacked the sleepy looking red head and looked as if he just might be about to really get this fight going when all of a sudden the village was attacked by evil shinobi (Oh noes D:) Orochimaru was there and he tried to rape, er, kill the Hokage. Lots of people were dying and all the genin we're freaking out except for Sasuke. His new red headed love had run off and he was damned if the cute kid was getting away (pedo much?)

Sasuke began chasing down the red head named Gaara. Finally catching up to him he had just minutes to profess his love.

"Gaara even though you look a little strange now, I love you. The minutes I first saw you I decided you are the one for me. Please, be mine."  
>"And people call be a freak." Gaara replied. "I hate gays. Now you shall die"<p>

-Epic battles later-

_Inner Sasuke: Not only did I lose. My two loves fought and ended up being much more powerful than I. There is only one solution. I must seek out the pedo and take from him the power to seduce. _

Sasuke ran away from Konoha. He couldn't stay and be so powerless to win over those he loved. With the help of this very amazing man and his eternal curse hickey he would be able to do it.

The years passed and Sasuke became well versed in the arts of seduction and a few jutsu. Orochimaru became quite proud of his underling. He was doing a fine job. And then the day arrived where Oro felt Sasuke was ready.

"Saaasuke, you have done a very good job learning over the years. You have even perfected the sexy clothes jutsu! I'm so proud. And now that you are of age…You shall be miiiiine."  
>"Yeah right." Sasuske said as he betch slapped Orochimaru and walked out of the compound like a boss.<p>

Of course, on his way out he ran into his first love, Naruto, the pinked haired girl and some guy who looked like a transvestite. Ah, the years had been good to the blonde. He looked very seducible but the older boy still had one more thing to do before he could claim his prize. Kill his brother.

Sakura (the pink haired one) and Naruto cried over Sasu and begged him to come home with them but because of the last paragraph, and his hurt pride at Naruto's rejection so many years ago he decided to be a prick and run off again (kukukuku)

And then the day finally arrived…

THE GREAT UCHIHA SHOWDOWN

They fought, and fought, and finally it was at the end.

Sasuke would never forget Itachi's last actions. That final poke to the forehead and his last words.

"My beloved little….sister."

WTF? Little sister? Sasuke was pretty sure he was a guy. The last time he checked he had a nicely sized little friend. Whatever, Itachi was dying anyways. It was just a mix up of words…right?

Tobi, Aka Good boy Aka Super evil (and really old) Mandara, found Sasuke passed out near the scene of the battle. He gleefully took the battered young Uchiha back to his den. When the teen woke up Tobi told him everything he needed to know about his true past.

It was time for THE TRUTH.

"Sasuke, you are really a girl. Well, your genes say you are a girl."  
>"WTF I'M NOT A GIRL"<br>"I know this may be a little hard for you to take in but shut up and listen. Okay, so yes, you are a girl. At the time of your birth Konoha was looking for ways to make more baby boys through gene splicing. When your father found out your mother was pregnant with a girl he was the first to sign up. At a young age you showed signs of being well, flamboyant. (I mean, what little kid blushes as much as you do huh?) They needed mainly men, not girly men so they decided to sink the program. Needles to day your father was not happy. He threatened to take this out to the public, let them know what was going on. Obviously, this could not get out so the Hokage decided your entire family must die. Itachi volunteered to do it. He despised your father for turning you into a little pansy boy. The village leaders hoped that killing your family would cause you to man up a little. It did in some ways but you are still very gay. They let that blonde kid chase you in an attempt to lure you back to Konoha and keep your secret locked up forever. You are a mistake to them Sasuke. What do you plan on doing now that you know all this?"  
>"I'm going to RAPE THEM ALL. Wait…..naw, I'll just kill all everyone and make them feel horrible. Think how smexy I would have been if I was a woman. Those stupid leaders. They will pay!"<br>"Goooooood."  
>"Let's celebrate with cake!"<p>

And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth….er, maybe :D


End file.
